I felt so much.
I started feeling nothing at all.
Felt no happiness.
And a little sane.
Don't want to cry.
Don't want to scream.
Don't want to fight.
Don't want to bleed.
Don't want to feel anything.
Because I can't.
I like that.
It's like living in the dark.
I love how you can stare into darkness.
And it's no different than having your eyes shut.
Except your mind knows to stay awake.
And no matter how much you want to close your eyes.
And no matter how much you don't want to.
You listen to the ramblings within your mind.
You listen to what it's saying.
Because only you can hear.
And it'll keep talking until someone listens.
We're never going to get those times back.
When we would all play together in the streets.
Not caring who anyone was or what they looked like.
We take falls and rip our jeans.
We'd run around with muddy streaks.
We did it all together.
And together we'd laugh.
We'd come up with missions like we were spies.
We have stupid secrets.
And silly smiles.
And twinkling eyes.
We'd play around all morning.
And the sun would set along with our drooping eyes.
And we'd wake the next day to quiet skies.
Until we'd all walk out with those smiles.
Oh how crazy I would seem.
If I said the things I felt.
Acted the way I dreamt.
Did the things that helped.
If I rambled the way I felt.
Smiled the way I dreamt.
Or cried the way that helped.
How crazy I would seem.
If I was the way I am.
You were here.
You always were.
And then you left.
Without a word.
Like a burning flame.
You were slowly burning.
Before you faded away.
And the fire died.
Along with our hearts.
All that was left was the heat and the smoke.
The little memories we could grasp.
Before they blew away.
Just like that.